Facade Kangaskhan is Retarded and Let Me Tell You Why

For those that read my baka aniki Simon's post about this blog, you'll know that some of the #imoutos have very strong opinions and biases about certain Pokémon and moves that we normally wouldn't be able to freely express on Nugget Bridge (not without consequences at least). This blog was made to fully embrace said opinions and biases without getting them hidden/deleted by mods. Here is one of them.

Some of you may remember a thread I made on Nugget Bridge exactly one year ago which provided damage calculations showing why Air Cutter is a stupid move and shouldn't be used on a competitve team. You can consider this post the spiritual successor to that thread, except instead of a bait-and-switch opening, I will just straight up tell you right now that Facade a retarded move choice and that you're retarded if you think it has any competitive value whatsoever you should feel bad for using it unironically. The fact that people use this move on competitive teams baffles me.

Status Conditions and Why They're Bad

Early in the game, NPCs usually make it a point to teach you why status conditions are bad. However since it doesn't really seem to work on the idiots using Facade, I'll have to explain why status conditions are bad myself.

No Status

Will-o-Wisp miss? Congratulations, you're hitting for less damage 100% of the time than you would be if you were using Return.

Burn

Consider Mega Kangaskhan's typical moveset of Fake Out, Return, Power-Up Punch, and Sucker Punch. Three out of four of those moves fail to hit Ghost-types unless you don't Mega Evolve to keep Scrappy, and that right there is pretty dumb since regular Kangaskhan doesn't offer a fraction of the offensive pressure its Mega form does. Now let's say you wanted to be a dumbass and burn yourself to boost Facade's power. That pretty much means you're going to be walled hard by Steel and Ghost-types, since your only options against them—Sucker Punch and Power-Up Punch are hitting for half the power they'd normally hit. Even if you were to get to +2 Atk by using Power-Up Punch to compensate for Burn's physical damage reduction, that's still one turn of set-up you'll need to use in order for those moves to hit for regular damage. Meanwhile your opponent can get off meaningful damage or set up themselves. There's also the fact that you're losing 1/8 of your maximum HP per turn. My good friend .Cypher also goes into detail why burning yourself for Facade is bad.

Paralysis

While it would be clever to have a paralyzed Mega Kangaskhan in Trick Room, there's always that 25% chance of full paralysis. In a game where the RNG plays a heavy role in how battles are decided, hoping for dice rolls in your favor may leave you disappointed.

Poison/Toxic

Depending on which type of poison it is, you're either losing 1/8 or 1/16 which will increase in damage every turn. It's not really a great way to capitalize on Kangaskhan's good bulk, especially if Sand is up as well. The chip damage will add up faster than Facade damage will.

Some Damage Calculations

Facade (Status)

• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade (140 BP) vs. 4 HP / 0 Def Garchomp: 181-216 (98.3 - 117.3%) -- 93.8% chance to OHKO—Enjoy Rough Skin/Rocky Helmet/Burn damage afterwards.

• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade (140 BP) vs. 252 HP / 76+ Def Mega Venusaur: 126-148 (67.3 - 79.1%) -- guaranteed 2HKO

• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade (140 BP) vs. 252 HP / 4 Def Mega Mawile: 72-85 (45.8 - 54.1%) -- 45.7% chance to 2HKO

• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade (140 BP) vs. 252 HP / 52 Def Ferrothorn: 67-79 (37 - 43.6%) -- guaranteed 3HKO
• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade (140 BP) vs. 252 HP / 188+ Def Amoonguss: 168-199 (76 - 90%) -- guaranteed 2HKO
• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade (140 BP) vs. 4 HP / 0 Def Tyranitar: 81-94 (46 - 53.4%) -- 39.8% chance to 2HKO
• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade (140 BP) vs. 252 HP / 76+ Def Mega Venusaur: 126-148 (67.3 - 79.1%) -- guaranteed 2HKO

• -1 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade (140 BP) vs. 4 HP / 0 Def Gyarados: 141-168 (82.4 - 98.2%) -- guaranteed 2HKO

• -1 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade (140 BP) vs. 252 HP / 4 Def Mega Mawile: 48-57 (30.5 - 36.3%) -- 38.1% chance to 3HKO

• -1 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade (140 BP) vs. 4 HP / 0 Def Salamence: 139-166 (81.2 - 97%) -- guaranteed 2HKO 
•  -1 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade (140 BP) vs. 4 HP / 0 Def Mega Manectric: 139-166 (95.2 - 113.6%) -- 68.8% chance to OHKO

Facade (No Status)

•  252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade vs. 4 HP / 0 Def Mega Charizard Y: 108-127 (70.1 - 82.4%) -- guaranteed 2HKO
• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade vs. 252 HP / 0 Def Mega Venusaur: 76-90 (40.6 - 48.1%) -- guaranteed 3HKO
• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade vs. 252 HP / 76+ Def Mega Venusaur: 63-76 (33.6 - 40.6%) -- guaranteed 3HKO
• -1 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade vs. 4 HP / 0 Def Mega Manectric: 72-85 (49.3 - 58.2%) -- 93.8% chance to 2HKO  
• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade vs. 252 HP / 0 Def Rotom-H: 82-99 (52.2 - 63%) -- guaranteed 2HKO
• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade vs. 4 HP / 0 Def Mega Kangaskhan: 87-105 (48 - 58%) -- 94.9% chance to 2HKO
• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade vs. 4 HP / 0 Def Tyranitar: 40-48 (22.7 - 27.2%) -- 33.5% chance to 4HKO
• 252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade vs. 4 HP / 0 Def Garchomp: 91-109 (49.4 - 59.2%) -- 99.6% chance to 2HKO
•  252 Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade vs. 4 HP / 0 Def Talonflame: 114-136 (74 - 88.3%) -- guaranteed 2HKO    

[23:56]    tds    252+ Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Return vs. 0 HP / 0- Def Mega Kangaskhan: 177-211 (107.2 - 127.8%) -- guaranteed OHKO
[23:56]    tds    252+ Atk Parental Bond Mega Kangaskhan Facade vs. 0 HP / 0- Def Mega Kangaskhan: 123-145 (74.5 - 87.8%) -- guaranteed 2HKO
[23:56]    tds    FACADE DOESNT EVEN KO 0 HP IV 0 DEF IV HASTY KANGA
[23:56]    tds    RETURN DOES
[23:56]    tds    IF THEY HAVE COUNTER
[23:56]    tds    YOU LOSE

Ah yes, my Amoonguss survives a turn against +2 Kangaskhan with 12 HP because it thought Facade was an acceptable choice.
— Scott Glaza (@NBNostrom) June 20, 2014

In closing, relying on your opponent to burn you is a stupid strategy and if you're planning on burning yourself, you might as well use Swagger instead since it doesn't gimp your other moves. If I find out that Facade Kangaskhan manages to work its way into Top Cut at US Nationals next weekend, I will lose all my faith in the game. Do your part and make sure to keep Facade Kangaskhan the fuck out of high level play because it sure as shit doesn't belong there.